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Wednesday, May 23, 2007

2:35AM - Layerinc, A New Subsidiary

FiveProng is here to announce a new subsidiary, Layerinc.  With the expansion of FiveProng to include Lunar Living, we are proud to announce that Layerinc has joined us in making FiveProng the best it can be.  Layerinc is in charge of produce, producing the World's Greatest Bananas.

"Time-release bananas that ripen upon a given scale that you set yourself, so that you can enjoy a banana a day to your ripened perfection."

Layerinc.  We Fix Fruits.

See our product now at www.fiveprong.com/layerinc.

And look for more layerinc products, coming to a fiveprong.com near you.

Current mood: accomplished

Sunday, December 19, 2004

12:24AM - Sightings

--excerpt from Forbes Magazine, back-dated 12/10/04--

FIVE PRONG SIGHTING IN SIMON MALL # 8801

Five Prong has been gaining an immense amount of notability over the past several months. What with the new website and frisbee giveaways, the independently run company has been outgrowing it's once unfairly given nickname of "enigma enterprise," and lately has been blossoming into a corporation that is on the verge of becoming a household name.

Take the following sighting at the Simon Mall # 8801 in Derado, Pinous. During a typical hectic shopping day, shoppers were beguiled to find an unmanned kareoke machine outside of the Pottery Barn store. The manager of Pottery Barn said they were unaware of what the machine was doing there, and had no knowledge of it's placement in front of his store. Shoppers managed to gawk at the machine, but no one seemed inclined to touch it, let alone pick up the microphone. Of course, that was until Stressa Wher made an unannounced guest appearance.

Ms. Wher casually strolled over the microphone, picked it up and sang the classic Carly Simon song, "One More Time," with gusto. She also was handed an acoustic guitar which she strapped over her back and accompanied herself with. At the conclusion of the performance, the mega-crowd cheered and yelled "BRAVO." Ms. Wher smiled and took a bow before leaving the audience with this final statement...

"Five Prong ... It's Universal."

(Simon Mall # 8801 is located between Jenny's Nebula and Orion's Belt, 53 miles west of Venus. Check your local astronomer for details).

Friday, November 26, 2004

1:50AM - It's Almost Time

Soon, very soon, we will host the launching of the new fiveprong.com website, so be on the lookout for it on an Internet near you.

For the opening of fiveprong.com, there will be tons of sales in all of our fabulous FiveProng departments. And there will be a huge party with tons of deals in our IRC chatroom #fiveprong, so be sure to be there with bells on to catch all of the latest news and coupons that you can only receive from FiveProng. Our staff will be there to answer any of your questions and to direct you to the perfect products.

Remember, the holidays are coming up soon. Spend them with the only one who knows what you need and how to get you what you need. And if we can't get it for you, we will compensate with a free gift.

Now, how would that sound in your stocking, or beside the menorah?

Current mood: anxious

Friday, September 17, 2004

9:40AM - New Music Release

Out now is a brand new exclusive Five Prong release from Average Joe:

STRESSA WHER IN CONCERT (Parallel Time Version)

In 2003, Strausser created one of the most beloved mix CDs of all-time entitled, STRESSA WHER IN CONCERT. A concept album featuring soundtracks in song to various episodes culled from a day in the life of the unstoppable Peacekeeper, with bonus live cuts. The CD was a smash success, and some versions even contained a different tracklisting, making it even more of a collector's item! Some copies with Strausser's autograph are going for as much as $75 on Ebay!

Anyway, back to what I was saying. Average Joe proudly presents the Parallel Time companion to Strausser's CD, entitled STRESSA WHER IN CONCERT (Parallel Time Version). Here's a special sneak peak at the tracklisting:

1. Spectacular (Graham Coxon)
2. Art Decade (Bowie)
3. Being Boring [live] (Pet Shop Boys)
4. Waiting for Today to Happen [97 version]
(Lightning Seeds)
5. Plus Profond (Hooverphonic)
6. Woman In the Waves (Michael Franks)
7. Get Around To It (Arthur Russell)
8. Parallel Life [album version] (Starseeds)
9. Sleep Alone (Moby)
10. Secret Friend (McCartney)
11. Sex Drive [hard drive mix] (Grace Jones)
12. International Lover (Prince)
13. 2/1 (Brian Eno)

To order your copy, contact Average Joe today!

And congratulations to Fox B'Not, the winner of our Sound Art Remasters contest! Yay! He received the special red and blue disks! Congratulations Fox!

Current mood: excited

Monday, July 19, 2004

4:23AM - Sound Art Remasters & Special Disks

Now available for a limited time -- The Sound Art Remasters Series. Never before on CD, using state of the art 20-bit technology, Five Prong and Mehenterprises is pleased to present hand-picked selections from the original 15 Sound Art cassette tapes on 4 specially priced CDs.

Average Joe created the Sound Art series in 1991. As of 2003, there have been 15 volumes all previously released in cassette tape form only. This is the first time ever that selections from the series have been reproduced digitally in CD format.

"I am very happy with the new CD remasters of my Sound Art. I am sure that Five Prong listeners will agree that these recordings have never sounded so good."

When asked about the 4 disks verses 15 cassette tapes, Average Joe commented, "This is definitely the creme de la creme of the hours and hours of tapes from the original series."

The 4 CDs are as follows:

-- Volume One / Ambient
(No dialogue, just atmostpheres)

-- Volume Two / Piano + Music
(The 3 historic Strausser & Average Joe piano jam sessions PLUS the famous 30 minute mega-mix from 1998 of Strausser singing).

-- Volume Three / Strausser: The Late 90s
(The best of the Strausser & Average Joe on-the-road recordings from 1998-99).

-- Volume Four / Strausser: The New Millenium
(The Xmas '01 visit and Yaoi-Con 2003 in San Francisco with rare radio interviews unedited and complete).

For more information, contact Average Joe and tell him which volume you're interested in. And don't forget to inquire about the special red and blue disks (shhh -- you didn't hear that from me). Details upon request.

Current mood: happy

Sunday, July 18, 2004

10:57PM - Yasumicon

For those anime fans who are unaware Yasumicon will be taking place on Saturday August 14 and Sunday August 15 at the Florida International University in Miami. Registration Opens at 8:30am so try to come early.

For more information and directions to the convention please go to:

Yasumicon.com

^_^

Current mood: mellow

Sunday, July 4, 2004

10:14AM - FiveProng Goes Pop

I am a devotee of the arts, and luckilly I discovered FiveProng's Marts & Mehentertainment 9001 department. Thanks to the help of a computer generated random music selector, I can tell the computer what kind of music I like and it will instantly create a special mix CD for me. The FiveProng catalog of music is quite extensive, and ranges back from Caveman drum loops, up through Gregorian Chant straight through to futuristic techno-pongo-plink-plank K-hole ploggles.

So pop on over to FiveProng for the 9001 experience. I did and now I am in tune with the universe.

Current mood: optimistic

Thursday, June 24, 2004

12:54PM - Welcome to FiveProng

Sit down, have a cup o' joe, and relax as we tell you all about FiveProng Inc.

FiveProng was founded by JLowe and associates in 1998, and word of its progress has spread all over the globe. We deal in everything from ebay to Jenny's Ribs, with FBU, university especially for cats to Cybergrave, the home for the dead on the Internet. FiveProng began as a small mom-and-pop shop, and expanded exponentially to have millions of locations world-wide. Right now our base of operations is in Florida, but that does not mean you will not be able to find us everywhere else.

So, you may be asking yourself, why join FiveProng?

As a member of FiveProng you will receive 25% off of all of our fabulous FiveProng products, including grants for your cats at our prestigious FBU, and over 100 GB space for your dearly departed at CyberGrave. You will never have to pay for entrance at any of the FiveProng conventions. You will also have close contact with JLowe and associates to answer all of your FiveProng questions, and fulfill all your FiveProng needs. Members will have complete access to www.fiveprong.com, and as a member, you will be able to post suggestions and even have your own column or webspace on fiveprong.com.

Listen to what some of our members say about the wonders of FiveProng:

Thirduncle says: FiveProng is an inspiration to us all. I get songs directaly to my answering machine sung brilliantly from the founder of FiveProng, JLowe and associates. There isn't a better place in the Universe than FiveProng!

L_C_J says: I graduated sigma cum louda from FBU (although it should have been called Harvey U), and now work as a Physicist for FiveProng's Rocket-To-The-Moon project. I make a ton of money and lay around the house all day. Although, big sister and little brother tend to bother me too much. I hate them. Leave me alone!

Fox B'Not says: I see a lizard. Let me go chase it.

preppyloser says: If it weren't for FiveProng, I wouldn't be the girl I am today.

bishiboy says: I didn't know I was here. What am I doing, again? Oh yeah, FiveProng. It rules!

So join us today, space is limited. All new members will receive a free song courtesy of JLowe and associates.

FiveProng. We hold up the Universe.

Current mood: blank